Women

When I was 17, my family and I went to celebrate New Year's eve to my uncle summer house. This house is really fucking huge, and we stayed there for 4 days.

At that time, I was a virgin. But, of course, like most of the kids at that age, I was really expecting to stop being one, to enter the ADULT WORLD OF SEX ©, and stop being a kid. Most of my friends had already entered that exclusive group, and I wanted to be one of them.

But there was one problem:
Most of my knowledge of that world was from porn movies. So if, for example, we ordered pizza at home, I always expected that a hot chick would come to my door, only dressed with what legally could be called a tong and nothing more, say something like "But I want to see your pepperoni..." and started to blow me right there, at my home's front door (which, to be honest, would be fucking cool, seeing that the door was in front of a huge fucking avenue, with lots of people going around at all time).

I did have a girlfriend around that time, but she was really freaked out of getting pregnant, even when I assured that I would use two condoms at the same time. So, that was a dead end. My only opportunity was some outside force, some gift from the Universe in the shape of a horny woman. I prayed for that day, the day that I stopped being just "that virgin kid" to be "that guy who has a lot of sex".

(I'm still praying for that last part, but that's a thing for another day)

Like I was saying, I went to my family to that house, where I met my cousin's family (he's married and has a little kid). His wife had a sister. She was gorgeous. But really, this is not my nostalgia shaping things just to fuck me over. She was absolutely beautiful. And had a body that it would be a Maxim cover, if, of course, they wanted to have good sales that month.
I didn't care too much for her, because well, I figured that she had a boyfriend and all that. She wouldn't dare to lay eyes on me.

(Yes, I had low self stem around that time. Not that it's better now, though).

In any case, I was in one of the bedrooms, completely alone, with my playstation 2 hooked up to the tv, playing Metal Gear Solid 2, when she knocks the door. I let her in and she sits right next to me in the bed.

I realized that she's not wearing a bra (or at least, I couldn't see one from where I was), and started to talk to me. The next conversation is what the future historias will name "THE GREATEST MISSED OPPORTUNITY OF GHONDAR":

HotGirl: Hey, what are you playing?
Ghondar: Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance.
HG: What is it about?
G: Well, right now I'm playing as Raiden, but the main story of this saga is about Solid Snake, a clone of Big Boss, the greatest soldier ever. He died at the hands of Solid Snake in "Metal Gear 2", but his body was recovered, and the government created Solid and his brother Liquid Snake from his cells, and using the Super Baby Method...

*cue 10 minutes of Ghondar explaining to a girl the whole Metal Gear Saga*

G: ...And that's pretty much where I am right now in the game.
HG: (completely oblivious to my incredible detailed explanation) Oh. Right. So, wanna play another game?
G: Like what?
HG: Dunno... something we can play both of us... (and right here she smiles, it's really really sexy)
G: ...not following you.
HG: Well, there has to be some game we can both play... (she touches her shirt, slowly).
G: ...Pro Evolution Soccer?

She lets out a huge sigh, and left the room. I didn't care for that at all, and continued to play, like if nothing happened

I was a virgin for 4 more years.
Sometimes I wonder why.

How is this not racist?

G: Yes, my girlfriend is from another country.
RandomGirlAtWork*:Oh, nice!. I am not racist
G: Ok...
RGAW: For real!. My best friend is black, gay and brazilian.
G: You do know that telling those things about a person above all is racist, right?
RGAW: No way!. You are saying that because you are the racist.
G: You are the one who talks about your gay, black, and brazilian friend.
RGAW: No, I am not. I was just merely stating a point.
G: A racist point.
RGAW: Fuck you.


*A girl doing extra hours around here for the time being. She's hot as fuck, though.

On the other hand, I shouldn't be so hard (pun intended) on her, she's blond. And, well, we can't make fun of those people. That would be racist.



Yes, that was irony, thanks for asking.