The Rise and Fall of Mogo

My family and I are very close, so I didn't have any rebellious phase (and if I did, I'm pretty sure it was shot down by my parents and their "methods of persuasions"). We always went together, as a family, to holidays and all that kind of shit.

But, in 2007, I had my first taste of freedom: I went to the beach with a couple of friends. My friend rented a house with his family, and we tagged along. So, it was just a really small taste of freedom: We could go out everyday and get drunk and all that since we lived in the garage, not in the house. But that doesn't mean that there weren't any adults close by.

That was the first time that I wanted to go with friends to the beach. Two years later, I did.

And that's where I met Mogo.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

A couple of friends and me rented an apartment really close to the beach, and we spent there two weeks. Two blocks from where we were, there was the main avenue. We used to go there almost every night, just walking and talking. Just three guys, chilling. Nothing out of the ordinary.

One of those nights, I had to buy some presents for my family, and we entered to one of those shops where you can buy those little things with the name of the city on it, like a rock with "I (L) NameOfThePlace", or a cup. I even saw underwear, which would be a funny thing to give someone. "Hey, I found this thong and it reminded me of you, so you can keep me close by every day". Yup, I can see that being an awesome present.

I was single at that time, and to be honest, I saw this vacation as an opportunity to meet new people and get laid. You know, one night stands and all that. Never had any kind of experience in that regard, and all of my history of sex intercourse were pretty much with two girls, and those were my gfs. Not at the same time, mind you. Can you imagine? I have enough problems with one, two would be playing in Hard Mode. 

Blind. 

With my hands on my back. 

Anyway, we entered this store, and there she was, the shopkeeper. She was a redhead (I have such a fascination with redheads it almost borders with obsession. I'm pretty sure I was raped by one when I was a little kid, because there is no other way I can explain it), and she was talking to a couple of her friends. 

That's when I used all of my flirting moves that I saw in one of those movies where people don't wear a lot of clothes:

G: Hey, beautiful

Redhead: Hello, welcome to NameOfTheShop. How can I help you?

G: Well, you can start by giving me your number...

*And I give my most sexiest smile*

Your panties got wet by seeing him. I know it.

R: Well... nope.

G: I... what?

R: Can't give you my number. But I can give you hers...

And she points to one of her friends. I look at her, all in slow motion, and saw the greatest ass the World has ever known.

I might sound sexist (fuck, if this is what offends you, you have your priorities really screwed up, since you didn't say shit when I described a girl uglier than stepping on shit barefoot), but if asses were a form of currency, this girl would have been wealthier than Donald Trump. And without having the need of using those fucking weird wigs.

On a side note: Donald, you should kill your hairdresser. I'm pretty sure it's condemned by the UN that type of public humiliation.

This girl (Mogo, from now on) wasn't facing me. I was just looking at her ass. And then she turned to see me.

Picture the end of Rocky IV: Stallone is beating the shit out of Ivan Drago, because 'MERICA and all that. The people is excited, they are cheering for the guy who is the poster child for "Botox: Not even once". Before we get to see the credits, we see Stallone, who had his face completely deformed.

Well, Mogo looked worse.

"But Ghondar" You may say, "if she had that great ass, why didn't you tap it? It's not like you have to get married or anything like that". And that's because I have an asshole brain.

My brain, as you may recall, hates me. When I meet someone new, he makes me say things that I didn't want, makes me feel things that shouldn't be there, and, of course, he controls the rest of the body. Including the muscles of my face.

See where I'm going with this?

Well, for the few of you that you don't understand, here's a picture to illustrate my point:

Yes, including the 7:38 on my forehead.

Apparently, girls don't like it when guys express themselves like they have seen Thor's anus. I mean, what else could they ask for? I'm being honest here!.

Kids these days...

She took offense on my reaction, and I felt like an asshole... for twenty minutes. Christ, genes, get your shit together and give that girl some new face.

To be honest, I kinda regret that I didn't get her number, because I would have been the guy who fucked the Donald Trump of Asses. And that's something not everyone can boast about.

Unless you actually fucked Donald up his ass.